How it Feels to Be Denied

fuck you
fuck you because it hurts
to have these feelings inside
to have to look at you
and the things that you do
to not have anything i feel justified
fuck you for the sad, sorry smile
for every little while
that you spend lying to yourself
because you don't want to know
you don't want to admit
that maybe you want to lick
or kiss a girl
that you'd maybe like how she
tastes on your lips or tongue
or on your skin
like how she feels
all soft and real
and pretty and female
fuck you for being afraid
for being scared
for being made
human by God or happenstance
fuck you for not loving me
and for not loving me enough
to stay away
for not having the strength
to keep me at arms length
even when all i want
is to drown in agonizing proximity
to you